(k)erimenopause

One broad's reluctant journey to the dark side of womanhood.

40 Pounds of Resentment April 21, 2011

Filed under: Ephiphany Inc. — kerimenopause @ 6:30 am
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“You always look mad.”

First of all, none of us always do anything.  I am not a fan of absolutes, ie. ‘You never…’, ‘you always…,’ ‘every time….’  Not to propose that I don’t say those things to my husband, my son, my dog, the cat.  Just saying that I don’t like it when it refers to me. But it is quite possible that I really do look mad, almost all the time. Part of that comes from the perma-scowl that I have decorating my brow line.  This feature is so prominent that not even a Botox treatment I bought at an auction could eradicate the crevice – that looks more like a crevasse – found on my forehead.  Seriously – both that it didn’t work, and that I bought Botox at my son’s school auction.  Yes, for nothing more than the promise of a smooth forehead, I was willing to risk complete embarrassment (mine and my husband’s… son is oblivious to me, my life, and what I do – he’s 12).

By the way, the ‘line’ isn’t from worrying.  It, in fact, debuted about the time I started working in TV news about 20 years ago.  There is something about going ‘live’ every night to a mass of humanity you do not know while your boss is sitting at home making a note of every thing you screwed up.  Not a profession for anyone who wants to keep a youthful glow about them.

Back to the topic that is actually furthering the depth of the abyss found mid-brow line… I mentioned a few days ago I had an epiphany that my new business should be me when it comes to finally getting this extra weight off my voluptuous figure.  Well, today’s epiphany came when I was making my third trip to my son’s school ~ which is a story for another time.  Basically, I started wondering if maybe, just maybe, every extra inch was really some unresolved resentment.  And if that were possible, couldn’t it be equally possible that the reason that I ‘always look mad’ is because maybe I am… just not for the reasons most obvious.

One of the reasons I came to (or jumped to) this conclusion is that I always lose my ‘eating right’ battle if I go home to some family gathering.  Dare I say, that perhaps there might be some unsolved resentment that comes bubbling to the ugly surface with the mere mention of a trip to the homeland?  Ha!  I am here to tell you there are a whole lotta resentments in that realm for me.  Each and every one is quite frankly based on some harbored hurt feeling from when I was a kid. Stupid? Absolutely. Change anything that I know it’s stupid?  Absolutely not.

This brings me to the question of if maybe it is time to purge the resentments of my life!  There is a rumor going around that in the not too distant future I maybe celebrating a milestone birthday.  It seems to me that a woman of 50-that’s-the-new-30 should probably get over herself and deal with her demons.  It may even be time to set free the annoyances that have me creasing my face!  Ahhhh… but how? I have read you should make a list of things that you need to ask forgiveness for as an act of purging your demons,  then burn the list as a way to set yourself free. Seems so… anonymous and private.  Oh how utterly bourgeois!  In this day of reality TV, facebook, twitter, isn’t it so much more vogue to tell all?  Now if I was a true coward, which I am most certainly not, there is also the option of the website tellingsecrets.org – seriously, you can share those confidences that are dying to be told… all anonymously.

My inner debate is about how honest and candid I should be here? Should I really list my resentments to make a point? (I mean to free my pounds?)  Perhaps a happy medium can be found…  list them in somewhat vague terms ~ friends, family, former boyfriends ~ read into it what you will.  In the interest of you, dear readers, I am not going to bore you with my perceived ‘wrongs’ here.  At least not yet…

Instead, you tell me… does laying it all on the line really ‘lighten’ your load?  Should I write a list? Public or private?  Guide me my wise readers!  If you want to see the list, let me know in the ‘other’ column in the poll!  (English gurus – I know there is an error in the question below, but my Polldaddy skills are not quite refined.  No need to point it out, thank you;)

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Give me a Sally Field and ‘like’ me, really, really ‘like’ me April 19, 2011

Filed under: Uncategorized — kerimenopause @ 2:38 pm

Pop over to Facebook and ‘like’ (keri)menopause.  Click that link, the one right there that is highlighted before this actual sentence.  See it?  Come on, what else do you have to do right this second?

 

Announcing my new business: fitKO’

Filed under: Losing Ground — kerimenopause @ 1:53 pm

I seriously do not know why I didn’t think of this earlier! I’m obsessed with my weight ~ it goes down, it goes up. It never stays in either place for more than six or seven months.  Add that to the idea that I need a project/job/hobby.  And, viola a business in the making!

A little background here.  I’ve spent literally 80% of my life trying to lose or maintain my weight.  It all started in 5th grade when my mom put my sister and I on Weight Watchers.  Sister was thin as a stick and I had a little pot belly.  Which, by the way, I have had to varying degrees ever since!  Now I’m not here to criticize my mom.  I think she has always fought her weight BECAUSE her mother didn’t do anything but criticize her weight.  That said, you can’t grow up with three older sisters plus a mom who was on every diet imaginable without picking up a few bad eating habits of your own.

I would like to spend the 2nd half of my life obsessing about something entirely unrelated to hips, thighs, sizes and portions.  I’ve been pondering a way out of the wicked web of weight for a long time.  Lo’ and behold, during my leisurely nine-hour drive home from Montana, it hit me:  I am my business! My epiphanies often startle me, too, so don’t be alarmed if you suddenly had to slap yourself in the forehead and scream, “Of course!”

Think about it.  I could write a really snappy business plan.  Maybe something like:

fitKO’ is a Kerri-only health club and program that creates a personalized environment for Kerri to pursue her fitn goals.  We don’t have the best equipment and or the best training program in this arena. We aren’t sure how to prepare our client for success!  We certainly do not have the best weight-management program.  But what we do have is persistence and a client that needs a focus on getting fit.

1.1 Mission

The mission of fitKO’ is the following:

  • Create a one woman-focused workout environment that promises to get Kerri to:
    • fit into a reasonable single-digit pair of pants
    • fit into a non-jaw dropping cup size
    • fit into a full-size mirror without having to take 10 steps back
  • Celebrate the success of our client in meeting her fit goals with:
    • manis and pedis
    • membership to the Shoe-of-the-Month club
    • really expensive Vodka (but only because it has no calories to speak of)
OK, so the truth is I have tried all these things before – like who hasn’t, right?  But there is something so much more fun making it an honest business.  Work from home. No overhead. Create your own schedule.  See what I mean?  Sounds pretty damn good doesn’t it!
Can’t have a business without a marketing plan… here’s my start:

This marketing plan is a means for fitKO’ to refocus Kerri’s attention away from the daily lattes and toward a daily carrot. This will involve rebranding, refocusing activities, and redeveloping many lifetime convictions in the coming six months. Follow up and careful examination of results over the next several months will determine whether this marketing direction is having the desired effect.

1.1 Goals

Personal Goals:

  • Devote 45 minutes a day to exercise – all done in really cute workout clothes and shoes – just in case someone happens by.
  • Make her accountable by applying unpleasant consequences to behavior.  IE. treat like a spoiled 2 year old when she misbehaves.
Are you feeling me?  If we make ‘us’ our business, it kind makes you feel like you have to be accountable to something other than the Lays chips.  Seriously think I have something going here.  Maybe I should put on some running shoes and hit the treadmill and ponder this… or, maybe I better call a board meeting with me, myself and I to see if there is a 100% buy-in.  I can tell you right now, they are a seriously tough crowd so I have some convincing to do!
 

 
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