(k)erimenopause

One broad's reluctant journey to the dark side of womanhood.

Time to Dump the Mental Garbage January 24, 2015

Filed under: Uncategorized — kerimenopause @ 2:53 pm

According to that highly reliable source – Wikipedia – The Miller Analogies Test (MAT) is a standardized test used primarily for graduate school admissions in the USA. The test aims to measure an individual’s logical and analytical reasoning through the use of partial analogies. It can look something like this:

CLUMSY : BOTCH

A. WICKED : INSINUATE
B. STRICT : PAMPER
C. WILLFUL : HEED
D. CLEVER : ERADICATE
E. LAZY : SHIRK

FUGITIVE : FLEE

A. PARASITE : FOSTER
B. BRAGGART : BOAST
C. SAGE : STIFLE
D. BYSTANDER : PROCURE
E. FIREBRAND : QUIBBLE

You read it: Clumsy is to botch, like __________ is to ______________. Pick the best answer.

The other day I had a thought about things that bog me down. My MAT would look like this:

GUILT: MENTAL WEIGHT

A.  BIG GUT: LOW SELF-ESTEEM

B.  FAT THIGHS: FAILURE

C.  EXTRA POUNDS: ACCEPTANCE

D.  CHIPS: WIDE ASS

Although all of the above are true for me, ‘D’ is the proper answer for this quiz. Let me explain: Guilt weighs you down mentally to the point of incapacitation. Eat enough chips and your wide ass ain’t goin’ no where.

How many of us let the mental weight of guilt keep you from really succeeding on weight loss mission? How many of us have gym memberships we never use? How many of us have protein shakes in the cupboard we never open? How many of us have a weigh-loss pharmacy, only to have started/stopped each but never finished any? OK. Maybe none of you. But for me, again, all of the above.

After really thinking about the guilt issue and the connection it has to my repeated failure in my lifetime quest for thinner thighs, I realized that life is too short to feel guilty about what I’m NOT doing and start celebrating what I AM doing.  Love this quote:

Banquet-for-your-mind-140921

My mind is eating from a landfill of mental garbage! So…. this week, I decided to throw out some trash.

For the past two years I have been a member of Fitness 19. I got a screaming deal when I signed up… $12 a month! Well, once I did the math, not such a great deal. I’ve been no more than 5 times. That is about $60 a session. For me that isn’t the worst of the problem, however. A day has not gone by in the past two years that I have not beat myself up for not going there to work out. I’ve made elaborate plans. I bought nice work out clothes. Still, something just kept me away over and over. The result: nagging guilt and the belief that I suck.

A couple of days ago, I went to Fitness 19. I didn’t work out. I cancelled my membership. And, it felt amazing! My contract doesn’t run out until April 15. Which means, if I WANTED to, I could work out any time in the next three months completely guilt free of not taking advantage of what I’m paying for. I’ll probably end up there every day! When I walked out of the gym after my cancellation, I felt the lightest I ever have leaving there.

I signed up for a weight-loss program in December – promising amazing results.  True to form, I let this and that get in the way.  Well, that, and I realized I can’t eat a chicken breast and a leaf of lettuce every day.  It included all sorts of cremes, and drops, and shakes, and some kind of supposedly revolutionary fat zapper.  In thirty days, I lost 6 pounds. I can’t bring myself to tell you how much I spent on it.  On top of the program itself, I was required to drive about 30 miles one way twice a week.  If you aren’t from the Seattle area then you probably don’t think that is much.  From my home to the East side:  2 hours in brutal traffic.  If I was five minutes late, I lost my spot.  Yesterday, I called them and said I’ll use up the stuff but I’m pretty sure I could lose six pounds in a month without the stress of driving and the guilt of not doing it perfectly.

That decision inspired me to look at other areas that were weighing me down. I got home pulled out every weigh-loss regimen in my cupboards and drawers. Then I wrote down what each was for and how to use it. I devised a daily schedule to use them all up (after I made sure none of them would be a problem if used together). When they are gone, they are gone. Will I be thinner? Who knows but I won’t be weighed down by the constant dread of something else I didn’t finish.

My next step was to gather all the journals and workbooks and guides – I have a lot of them! I’ve got them all organized and I’m going to work through every last one of them so I can ditch them once and for all.

Will I be at a reasonable (to me, not you) weight when I’m done with all of this? Who knows? I certainly won’t be any worse than I am right now. And, I will surely be mentally lighter which may just be all I need to get physically lighter.  If you learn anything from this, I hope it is to empty your garbage, let go of the guilt that is weighing you down, and accept the fact that eating less and moving more is really the only solution.

guilt

        And, please, in the spirit of the most over-sung song of this

        century…

let it go, let it go, let it go!

 

Crap, now I have to do it for the kid June 14, 2013

Filed under: Uncategorized — kerimenopause @ 1:28 pm
Tags: , ,

I’ve talked about this before so it is no secret  that I have been on every diet ever conceived or written about. I am a lover of before and after pictures.  Ironically, I actually have had a great deal of success on many diets.  I just haven’t had long-term success.  And here’s why:

I am excited to start.  I plan and figure and calculate.  I pinpoint important dates and project where I will be on that date if I continue my program.  I always lose 10-12 lbs.  The clothes start to fit better.  My husband notices.  I feel sexier. He benefits. I buy cuter clothes.  Then the drudgery of the daily dealings of portion control, working out, etc. start to take a toll.  And then it happens, and almost always the same way, just a handful of Wavy Lays… how can it hurt?  Next… the mind games: “Only the folded over curved Wavy Lays” (you’d be surprised how many are in a bag).  Then, it’s the self-talk: “Oh, who cares I look fine the way I am.”  And, well, you can guess the rest… out come the fat clothes from the back of the closet again.  It is a little known fact that chronic dieters never, ever give away the fat clothes… just in case.

Here I am again embarking on another get fit/get slim adventure.  But this time it is different. This time it isn’t just about me.  This time I have to be successful because my son is watching.  Recently, he has started to make comments that he is fat.  Sadly, he has realized that maybe he inherited more of his mom’s genes than his skinny dad’s and he’s going to have to work on NOT getting fat.  I recognize that belly of his and I don’t want him to live the same cycle as I have.  And, I don’t want to be my mother (God love her) to him.  I’ve never known my mom to NOT be on a diet.  The size of my waist, thighs, ass are of constant concern to her, which she is none to quick to comment upon – as she does with my three sisters.

It occurred to me today that perhaps mom views my full-figure status as a failure of hers rather than my weak-willed, potato-loving self.  Had she taught me more about nutrition and less about dieting, would I be in this fix now?  I don’t know and it’s too late to blame it on mom.  Just as it is too late to all it baby fat – considering my ‘baby’ is 14.

Here’s what I do know:  I don’t want my son to spend his life basing his self-worth on his belly size.  So today we embark on a new venture… one where my success with be judged by how my son’s self-image is formed. Time to be a healthy inspiration to the kid.  If that isn’t motivation… I don’t know what is.

 

 

Give me a Sally Field and ‘like’ me, really, really ‘like’ me April 19, 2011

Filed under: Uncategorized — kerimenopause @ 2:38 pm

Pop over to Facebook and ‘like’ (keri)menopause.  Click that link, the one right there that is highlighted before this actual sentence.  See it?  Come on, what else do you have to do right this second?

 

Coming this fall… a new reality show just for you… August 28, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — kerimenopause @ 5:24 pm

Peri-menos vs. Puberty
See who can…
-out whine
-out sleep
-out eat
-out stress
… will it be the team of ‘women of a certain age’ who have nothing to lose except those last 10 pounds?
…or the posse of pubescent tweens who have everything to lose if their friends find out they are playing games with their moms?

We’ll go behind the scenes next week and get the inside scoop on casting… challenges… and how you can place your vote from home!

 

 
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